i'd like to thank all my bitches who hung out with me on 617.....many of them don't have an lj nor read this anyways...but at least for me i know and feel good about it

i dunno...it's weird....sure i'm sad about the fact that i don't have a dad...but i'm kinda just kool having a mom.....i mean seriously....if my dad lived to see my bf choices i'd be disowned.....again....>.< in one dream i had with him in it he told me that my last bf was stupid and terrible for me and then he laughed at him.....and i woke up lolzing and also like O.O fuck my dad knew =.=;;; it's weird loosing family.... makes me appreciate more the ones that i do have left.... esp my cat....

sometimes i have to stop myself from thinking about loosing my mom....funny story i told my mom that i was slipping back into depression....and she looked at me like you were depressed? =.=;;; this one time she and i were arguing and i said what if i just killed myself right now and she said go right ahead and i hung up went outside drank a lil earlier than usual and smoked...ignoring my moms calls....=.=;;; for a smart woman she misses all the key details....she picks up on the terribleness of her brothers and sisters and their children but she can't pick up on a simple thing like i'm fucked up help me cry

urgh i need to find a therapist....

but yeah.....

now that i think about it.... i don't all agree with my dad having the upper hand and seeing everything i do which is disgusting by the by @.@;;;

hard to lie to a dead guy....

i had fun on that day even if we were just sitting around doing nothing

anyways

moot

you can't rush genius @.@:;

but i'm going to have to rush this freaking personal essay FUCK


>.<

i don't get personal @.@:;

i've never wrote a personal essay....most of my essays that i've wrote during highschool/college are nothing near personal....sure they've revealed a little bit about me but nothing like i'm a jaded asshole who can't for some reason accept the truth and just go to med school.... honestly how to do put that all in an essay and not come off as a pretentious cunt... i hate talking about myself....true i'm arrogant but it doesn't mean that it's just all anne marie 24/7 @.@:; i prefer saying nothing about myself because i don't need to explain myself.....=.=;;;;; but i do need to explain my grades.....and lazyness isn't the best answer when applying to colleges....fuck why didn't i just apply senior year @.@:;;;;

but alas, here i am

i feel like my whole life is on repeat of the song time to pretend by mgmt

1. GO ROGER FEDERER!!!!!! you sexy sexy sexy man >.<

2. i haven't wrote in xanga or lj in liek forever....nothing exciting has happened....same shit different day

3. COCO CHRISTOPHER is on TV AGAIN...yes that's right, i called him coco....for those zero people that read my blog....that's conan >.< i don't understand or get where he is.....i'm just gonna assume because of the continual economic crisis they had to move to south jersey to film the show....

4. i have no idea why i'm listing things

5. there isn't any point in my listing anymore

6. but i'm continuing cause i can


UPDATE

i just got an email from one of my old english teachers from asu inviting me to waste about another grand and take another one of his classes....it was quite flattering....

"Since you were an impressive student of mine in the past, I am inviting you to the English 301 course that I am teaching this summer."

impressive...

okay...he could really have remembered me or this is the general statement he passes onto other students @.@;;

I
M
P
R
E
S
S
I
V
E

that's a rather long word with a rather huge implication.... ^-^;; i was called impressive even if i really was annoying, arrogant, self-serving, vicious, cunning, tardy, arrogant...no he prolly forgot to put in ARROGANT after the impressive and forgot to change it to "impressively" ... yes that must be it ^-^;;

i'm impressive

^-^;;

-giggle-

<(-.-<)^(^.^)^(>-.-)>

no he forgot to mention FREAKIN AMAZING....

;-;

>.<

IMPRESSIVE

oh yeah ~___^ who's sexy? i'm sexy

FUCK YEAH!

....

oh yeah

federer won ......>.< SEMI FINALS

today was just a win day....

federer won....i was called impressive....conan's on....today = win

the only other thing that could possibly top today is prolly like a dood...no not even a dood fuck, a corvette drives up to my house and says i love you anne marie be mine forever.....which would at first i'd be thoroughly creeped out but second i'd be honored and then the rest of the emotions would be creeped out....

IM-PRES-SIVE

>.<

i should wake my mom up and tell her a teacher called me impressive >.<

but honestly not really the first time....well i've always known i'm quite good at whatever i do....but to have a teacher that gave me a freakin B+ to call me impressive even if it was just a lie still makes me feel....IMPRESSIVE!!

>.<


i should change the title of this entry but....i like my looks to be deceiving sort of deal @>@:;

I AM OFF

TO BE

IMPRESSIVE!!

fuck....

note to self: I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN /note to self

>.<

god i'm an idiot

i say that way too many times and never really mean it but i soooo mean it right now
-slaps face- bad anne marie bad

i didn't do anything that would socially bring me down or cause death to me in any instance just a general wow i'm an idiot moment

i should be studying but meh....so don't feel like it

so much to do so little time

things to do:
1. study for psych/art/maths
2. take tests
3. clean room
4. get ready for finals
5. mail all stuff back home/ sell excess luggage
6. throw out excessive amount of bottles...i suppose that goes under clean room but i feel like it deserves it's own little number
7. find inspiration for a rap song for jdawg and finally get her career off the ground
7a. try and be talented enough and clever enough to write a rap song
7b. figure out the deeper meanings behind rap
8. return the birdcage to movie store
9. get back to writing at least an hour a day @.@:;
9a. write a better outline
9b. actually FOCUS
9c. plan a nice routine for writing but ultimately fail at following it
10. get a job
11. get into a college in the east
12. BEAT PERSONA 3 FES and PERSONA 4
13. get "healthy" ewww....god damn hate reg cigs 2 weeks and no menthols MOOT ....god i miss menthols @.@;;;;;

so a month ago i thought it would be great if i finally got myself off of smoking....for "health" benefits....i noticed alot...that  never cared about price and that i really do get twitchy if i don't have a pack on me....so i was like alright...menthols are seriously bad shit so i should wean myself off it and maybe perhaps smoking altogether...god i'm going to need to find a new hobby to release pain, stress, panic, anger, and depression all in one and i don't think therapy can handle all that....cuz that'd mean i'd be there 24/7....drinking is no no sure i'll have the occasional drink but it's not my scene....hopefully in a year or two i'll be down to just lights EWW god fuck...and won't need it at all...

yeah i've been in therapy for the past 2 months and i think i've accomplished alot but i know it's not enough to pay someone to listen to my shit...sure i feel a lil better afterwards but not like wow i'm feel fucking fantastic....

hand is numb

enough typing for now @.@;;

wow this is a long post

l
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y.

@.@ weird dream @.@;; mix of persona 3/4 @.@;; and acid @.@;;

jia, linds, matt and i were in the dream @.@;; it was the end of the world situation and we were escaping to the safe house we designed ourselves via magic (wtf) and the way we got in was through this little square opening on the floor in the truck we drove... after going through that little hole we were in this psychadelic world and there were people of a different world (enemies) trying to kill us... after we narrowly escaped their clutches one dood was standing between us and the safe house and matt took linds' bow and arrow and shot the guy from behind and i injected him with a poison @.@;; we then ran into the house where my cat was and tried to figure out everything....we decided that we needed to kill all those people that we injected with poison and that are naturally poisoned in order to stop the world from ending @.@;; and that we needed to defeat the boss. so we went out and re-entered the world and sought out the poisoned people after killing a couple of the poisoned people we went went back into the truck and noticed kids following us so we tried to shake them off our trail but they wouldn't stop following us (NOTE ALL PEOPLE OF THE WORLD ARE UNDER A TRANCE/ZOMBIE STATE) so we all got out the car and started running....we ran into this house knowing it was a gambit because there could be more trance/zombie people in there, and there was, and told them that kids were chasing us....one of them smacked linds in the head and she didnt flinch but i got up and started panicking @.@:; the person that smacked linds said that they knew we were like them because linds didn't flinch...normal people would've flinched but the person said just for safe measure they should devour us in the event we weren't one of them....so adrenaline pumped and i ran out the room with linds jia and matt in tow and we got in the truck and started driving....one person started chasing after us with a gaping mouth--looked like she wanted to eat us....jia started driving off while we hopped into the car...the hungry person almost got in but i pushed her out of the car.... we got back to the safe house and discussed the events and how many people we had left on the list....matt and i then explained to them that we spliced myself into two...like cloning but not @.@:; and that i was kidnapped by the boss-boss dood (NOTE boss-boss and i met already @.@;; i was with another group of people i don't recognize and we were trying to kill him...we only ended up bruising them and kicking him around a bit...i suffered a hand injury but that was it...he seemed pissed) so one of me was with them and one of me was with him...we (jia matt linds and i) went out to kill the rest....and then the dream ended

.../weird dream

T-T

i think that explains everything

i had a massive headache like an hour ago that lasted for a gagillion years >.< i never have headaches....or migrains or or anything that would possibly harm or hurt my little mind...well now i know i have a brain at least @.@:;

>.<

so much to do so little time @.@:;;

today was pretty much a waste
-washed clothes >.< YAY CLEAN UNDIES AND SOCKZ
-saw therapist @.@;; CRY FEST 2009! ....damn and i thought i could go a whole semester of therapy without having to talk about my dad guess i was wrong
-attempting to write which never goes well...but oh well
-BOUGHT EARPHONES MOOT!!
-sliced my thumb open and ate moldy bread YAY!!

i feel like slamming my head against my desk...headache still going on >.< took tyllenol @.@:;>.< WTF

no seriously wtf

i should get back to writing or something like that @.@:;

i really need to settle down and just finish this...maybe because i haven't finished it and that i've been procrastinating beyond belief that's why i feel all crummy ><

FUCK

i love my life

damn you therapist

i don't want to leave my bed i want to be in it perpetually till the end of time...just crack my head open and take everything out i don't want it anyways...gotta finish this..

i hate being right
i'm always right

i haven't been up to much @.@;;

i seriously need to work on mah shitz

@.@;;

singles awareness weekend was pretty koo

hung out with friends and had fudz @.@:;

much more to come later today on chewie: the disease was life itself

i wish i was special....

but i'm a creep
i'm a weirdo
what the hell am i doing here?
i don't belong here

i kinda find it wrong that i'm completely entertained by the windows media player video psychadelic crap that goes on the screen and i'm not high....i was just staring at it for the past 30 mins straight just like whoa...=.=;;; point proven drugs will never make me high cuz i'm high as is =.=;;;

WHATS AN ARTIST WITHOUT HAULLUCIINAGENIC DRUGS??

=.=;;;

fail.

urgh

great...

im so tired

i need another break from this....atomosphere

so freaking tired i need another vacation

so i know i opened her note and its my fault for the bitter mood im in but andy commented on her thing saying she has a lucky boyfriend...i had to do a double take cause i thought he said fuckface but i unfortunately was wrong...so i was reading down the list and the first thing she says about herself is she's israeli....SHE SAID SHE WAS BORN IN CALIFORNIA....CLEARLY NOT ISRAELI BY BIRTH LOCATION... (information can be disputed) and yeah make your parents proud and love your heritage and shit but you also claim romanian heritage WHAT ABOUT THEM? THEY'RE GREAT GYMSTS BE PROUD OF THAT... and ya know what i am FUCKING PROUD to be a goddamn american...i may be asain on the outside but i'm american first... my parents...my GRANDPARENTS risked their lives to leave the shit ass countries we're from for a better life and if you want to respect your family that you so rightly believe you're doing then be proud to be an american...your parents left for a reason and that's why you are here because of that reason...but if you want to go to israel go and please be killed because you're not useful...you used my roommates for school and to make out on the couch...yeah im bitter about that because if we're going to be all technical she didnt pay for it she has no right to making out privileges on it....if rio and fred were there on the couch being nasty then thats all good but no...and yeah i don't forget these things because you don't deserve a second chance in my book...apparently my standards are FAR TOO HIGH FOR YOU... RESPECT listen to the damn song slut...ive rarely called people sluts and mean it but for her she deserves no title, no care, no angry outbursts from me or hate mail because she's not worth it...yeah i kno im writing a blog on it but again with the ISRAELI first and american second...do you know what we americans do to foreigners esp middle easter ppl esp ppl poorer than us we dominate and outcast you so get used to the barrage of insults from everyone because you're a jew and israeli jew learn your place. and clearly you can't take any insults even though you insist you dish them out as much as anyone else and anyone else by my standards are like my friends on the east coast. PLEASE DON'T COME TO THE EAST COAST DEAR GOD KEEP HER AWAY...not for her sake but for mine....besides the fact she'd be eaten alive there she doesn't know her place...sadly we all have a place and if you can't play the game get out of the stadium fuckface GET SOME PIMPLE CREAM GOD! even if god plagues me with ugly children who end up marrying jews...i'll try and love them just the same as i love my cat...i fucking hate jews....lindsay jew is fine because she understands she's bottom of the food chain, she keeps up with stuff, shes not stupid clearly, good comebacks, she can fend for herself, and she's not really a jew. ...you know even jews hate jews WOW i know asians hate asians but well when one bayonets the babies and rapes and pillages the land because their dicks aren't big enough yeah we're going to have a problem...-shakes head- why aren't all people like me and my group of friends? all easy going smart witty sarcastic up to date able to make comebacks not easily offended smart good looking and did i mention smart? open to ideas but still maintain their own beliefs why? WHY? it seems like the only places i can go in reality to socialize is the east coast except fl sc nc virgina.....and california why am i so limited to these places NO PA....i do have high standards....but i came here with an open mind (to az) i TRIED DAMNIT.... well guess we all can't be winners.....sad it really is sad.... why don't i have any art friends here? dear god what have i been doing for 2 years? i think i was in a coma....i want to wake up so badly please...just please...

i'm a first generation asian AMERICAN born and raised. my parents, both, love this country because of the diversity we have in the east. i'm proud to be an american despite all their shortcomings because this is my country... i am very grateful my parents left the islands to live here in america (east coast fo lyfe) i'm really happy that most of my friends are first generation or just really open minded people. i'm not happy that i couldn't find the same in az...but then again i do hate nature best i not be in it too much.... why did i go? i kno why... vainity... leaving behind the empire to see if it'll survive on its own... leave the tension...change of scenery... vainity....my psorisis cleared up here ^-^;; yeah vanity.....big portion of the circle... fear of death was another big one.... but alas

three months....

moot is a word i use alot and alot of people don't know the meaning of it....so i have to explain to them... but some people know the meaning to it....and then i have to explain why i use it in the wrong context...

@.@:;

it hasn't caught on as well as i hoped...but there's still time...

then there's dude...alot of people say dude and some have asked me why i use it in such random places....and then i tell them if they were a dude theyd understand it because a dude understands the meaning of dude at random moments

@.@;;;;;

i also used to say chaa alot.....that caught on a lil then ended....like like CHA YEAH...more just like a sigh chaa same thing for dude....@.@;;

at one point i used gay alot just to replace words like fuck shit ass you @.@:;

long week

one of many to come
even though i only have class two times a week it does increase likelihood of skipping and failing etc

urgh but i said that i was going to "apply" myself

so much to do

so little time

it feels so late but its so early

hrrrmmmmm

best thing today: old gave me a light and i ate vietnameeze foodz! >.< mah favorite resturant by far

hrrmmm

moot

only problem if i become a doctor...id have to sign the hippocratic oath and promise not to go kavorkian on their ass

hrrrmmmmmm

6 pages

that i like of course

hrrrmmmm

alot to consider

a
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21 hrs awake that is by far a record since.....well....since freshmen year of college

too much to consider

its queer how i fail at psuedo life at videogames

i finally hit the stage when ur awake and u dont feel tired anymore...but that has long and gone pass

what to do today

too much to do

too little time

perhaps i'll get my cat a new bowl or something of the sort but shes not all that fancy of a cat....

perhaps i'll paint the bathroom again....i like how u remove the t from paint and it turns into pain...which it is of course

urgh i dont wanna go back to az just yet....one more week here in nj @.@;; but i'll admit it was a good vacation here....

catching up with old friends ppl i have seen for a year/years

its moot

it's all moot

i enjoy saying moot i like how your mouth moves when u say it its not calming but its more of a cool movement like id say sweet but im not much for the ee sound cause the actual movement of saying ee isnt as natural as oo

mmmm i feel drunk but its just the tired speaking

perhaps i'll unfriend all the aquaintances ive made in az....esp ex and joowgirl perhaps perhaps maybe all the people i dont know in az not like i speak to them either i know it sounds like im just trying to erase the past but hey it never hurt to try

i have the bestest group of friends in the world

one of my friends wrote in sad mood that how you spend your new years sets the tone for the year and well if spending the new year means driving against time with my sister lost in the hills of montclair/clifton or just hanging around with the same group of people ive been hanging out with for all of high school or texting people happy new years that no i'm not drunk or dropping off chocolate at jills house to spend an hour or two with jill, val, and amy talking about absolutely nothing then well i couldn't be happier

when i was sitting in lindsay's aunt's basement i thought that yeah i could do this again just the same way next year and be completely happy with that...they're my best friends despite the fact that lindsay's half jew and greg isnt our age technically, and that lindsay's aunt hates us all and that at times the conversation isnt exacting popping it's all good

2009 is gonna be an awesome year

in all honesty or well as close as it can get with me, 2008 wasnt so bad...sure life always has it's ups and downs and no matter how badly i think people are out to get me i've kept my head above the water and survived. it was a year of mistakes. but also sad to admit a year of learning. i can rightfully say that i know that there are far worse people out there than the ones i've met and befriended...i never in my whole life believed it could be possible but alas it is. and despite the overly depressing summer, the shitty ass bitch whom my dear roommate befriended and insisted on living, all the terrible things from my past, and many family complications i can say with a heavy heart that there has been some good in 2008. i am most certainly grateful for the friends ive made and the friends i have lost because nothing and no one can deny the memories that were created between all of us; though some good and some bad, some will sting but some with make me feel a whole lot better and i am truly grateful for that. if there's anything i love more it's my memories, and i'm quite impartial to the good ones if i do say so myself.

here's a brief play by play of 2008

january: was home celebrated new years with gang at linds, hung out with gang, got back to az and enjoy a new relationship, best bme group, bio meeting ashley!

february: still in a relationship, fuck school, got best v-day gift...flowers ^-^;;, fuck school, friends good times walking around campus, ROV, best bme group, taco bell tuesdays with ashley

march:: ZOO, friends, walking around campus, ROV hair on fire on surprise bday party, best bme group, taco bell tuesdays with ashley

april: URGH BME ROBOT SUCKZ, school T.T;; friends walking around, taco bell tuesdays with ashley! ROV

may: SCHOOL ENDS URGH ROV, someone threw a rock through mah windowz, jealous cunt, break up jitters by me, dumped, stuck in az bc i cant move oh and ROV FUCK

june: still cant move but i still had rov and URGH SUMMER SCHOOL i should dropped all of it smoke sesh with carly

july: FAMILY STUFF, =.=;;; not trusted by family YAY learning stick in CALIFORNIA O.O;;;; still in relative non moving state....smoke sesh with carly

august: GOT CAR YAY BOOO someone hit me at a fucking stop sign...and i got yelled at for not being defensive enough... I WAS AT A FUCKING STOP SIGN HOW DEFENSIVE CAN I GET gave money back to cousin who made it a point to tell me everyday that she made a quarter of a million every year and that she doesnt need to spend time on me god i love family SCHOOL STARTED YAY niki visited me in az YAY kicked out of cousins house by my aunt and she threatened to never see me again if i was still fat YAY decided to never loose weight again smoke sesh with carly

september: rooming with the best people in the world! still a little rocky bc roommate is good friends with ex other roommate was very moot when ex was over one time very moot URGH I HATE CHEM but wait there are quite attractive men in that class...SAW BILL smoke sesh with carly

october: URGH i hate halloween cept for the color scheme...change majors....sleep....cooked...alot....smoke sesh with carly

november: COOK OFF WITH REN! sleep...do nothing shop....slit my wrists cause im still relatively in no mood to do anything....watch movies....enjoy quality time with roomies VOTE FOR BARACK CHANGE YES WE CAN smoke sesh with carly

december: FUCK SCHOOl YAY DONE FUCK MATH SCREW SCIENCE!!!!! back home saw my cat then c@ linds jia niki jill val crystal...havent seen bodz yet... hung with family drove saw car... smoke sesh with carly

**saw bill clinton at some point
*** bill is bill dyer at mah school
****because my roommate is too nice she let this chick sleep over...because i didnt call not it in time....my other roommate got to go to bed and not travel into the room to where to fuckfaced people where have dry sex on the couch to put away the pizza; at one point told a girl to dismount her boyfriend and told him to leave the dorm cause well we were all going to bed....to which the girl responded saying sorry then saying shes really not sorry to which i then walked back to bed and waited for him to leave which he did not till 30 mins why i kno this cuz i stayed up too irritated by the fact my couch was being christened by a joow and some bitch who flirted relentlessly with my ex before and after feigned my friendship uses my roommate ...no not uses walks all over... used my other roommate for school work who is just a user and doesnt even give...she promised meat and diet coke i have neither and therefore a liar is fuck ugly by my standards...disproportioned--big boobs no legs and fail arms, a broken crooked joow nose, freckles, pimples, terrible curly hair...theres good curly theres bad and this was bad cause she couldnt tame it or god DO SOMETHING WITH UR HAIR... treated my roommate like a toy at one point...then like a stupid little sister in another...ungrateful cunt who still leaves me dazzled at the fact that i was basicly sloppy seconds..sure i fat but i have shape relatively...i dont use people for educational gain or any gain i usually hang out with people cause i like them... but hey geez who does that nowadays... im not that pimply faced, sure i club baby seals pick on jews am extremely racist highly opinionated mildly kept up in current events and mildly not.... sleep alot....but hey no one's perfect

yup i wasted too much energy on this girl way too much....

overall success! it was a year...

i wonder whats going to happen this year...who will attempt to kill me this year? what jew will try to screw me over this time? what ugly ass fuck face is going to get in my way this year...dare i even ask what cunt i'll fall in love with this time?

well, tune in ladies and gents to the chewie showz

@.@;; disney pre teen shows sooo does not mimic teen life

=.=;;;

i think they have ulterior motives here

@.@;;

>.

so after an interesting suggestion from an old friend ive decided to look into film

im gonna take so prereq film courses and seeing if i excel/enjoy them

@.@;; yeah

i could stay here in az honestly... it does suck being away from family and friends on the east but i have this nagging little annoying feeling in the back on what little mind i have saying i should stay here bc of the econ and to finish what i started here... like i do feel that way... that i'd be fail if i dont finish here @.@;; i mean seriously i to an extent did establish myself here...@.@;; its not like i have nothing yeah i say i have nothing but thats not all too true... @.@;;

so at the moment @.@;; graphic design + film @.@;;


@.@;;

i honestly have no fucking idea what im doing

no... i have an idea its just an idea tho

i dont enjoy too much revealing my ideas tho @.@;;

i have a strange affinity for surprises

so at the moment...i have no fucking idea if im going to come back for good to the east coast @.@;;meh

@.@;;

fail=me